As I watched the news the other day I saw where a large toy manufacturer had to recall some of its products for various reasons. A point was made in the news broadcast that made me wonder, “Does God make recalls?” In the case of the toy recall, some of the children who were hurt by the toys had put small pieces of them in their mouths. Considering that most toys are not edible, it’s likely that they were not using the toy for its intended purpose. The manufacturer realized that some changes must be made to ensure the safety of children, therefore they recalled the toys. As a child of God, there have been numerous times when I misused something He gave me that was supposed to be for my benefit. One of those recalls resulted in the book Elizabeth’s Gift. God had to make a relationship recall in my life. Just like a manufacturer, God created our relationships to be a benefit to us. But unlike an earthly manufacturer, God does not make mistakes in his factory. We might look at our lives and wonder, “What am I supposed to do with this?” But God doesn’t make junk and he doesn’t use lead paint! We just assume that we already know how the relationship operates. Like children with their toys, we unintentionally get hurt and have to send the product back to the Maker.
About five years ago, I ASSUMED that I had figured out how to be a great parent. With my husband, I had successfully managed my household with 3 step-daughters and a son. My children behaved exactly as I thought they should. And when they didn’t, I took the measures necessary to see that they were “good” children. My daughters were beautiful, smart, and active at school and in extra-curricular activities. My son was almost 3 and had been a wonderful baby. He slept all night, only cried when he was hungry, and to this day is one of the most compliant kids I know. I just KNEW that my new baby girl would be as easy. But, as most parents know, each child comes into the world with their own unique personality. From the moment she poked her beautiful head into the world, the baby was in charge. She bossed the doctor. She bossed the nurses. And she demanded our attention. Coaxing this gorgeous, pink bundle to adjust to her environment was impossible. We adjusted to her. For 2 ½ years my husband and I paced the floor all night and chased her all day. I wagged my tongue and functioned in a semi-conscience state as a result of very little sleep. Everyone in the house was resigned to chasing after the baby who insisted on dumping out, taking apart, tearing up, drawing on, and climbing on everything in her path. By age 3 no disciplinary action could deter her from her from the task of discovering her world and her brother and sisters’ bedrooms! As someone who had pride in having most of the answers about being a great parent, I was reduced to a doubting wimp who was scared of her own child. All of my ideas of what was “the right thing to do” with children had flown out the window. My relationship with my daughter was reduced to battles over insignificant things and long, loud explanations of everything she was doing wrong. She was hurting because she got the impression she was bad. I was hurting because I felt like a big, fat failure as her mom. Then it occurred to me. Maybe I was the one who was wrong.
I had a debate inside my head for weeks. Finally, the Spirit won. My relationship was recalled. I had a one size fits all mentality when it came to parenting. I had been trying to parent a herd of kids and not individuals. When I really started praying for guidance on how to raise this unique little girl, God was quick with the instructions. The first thing I understood was that she was made just the way God wants her. He has given her an amazing imagination that I had neglected for 3 years. She’s hugely curious and wants to know how things work. She also has an eye for details. She notices the most amazing things that most people take for granted. The best part was that when I received my “new and improved” relationship with my daughter, I was more willing to have other relationships recalled. Slowly, but surely, I have learned to search for the instructions from the Maker and not assume I know how things should work.